getting close to that wall
Hola, como estais? I'm writing this from my desk in my apartment. Yes, I now have one comfort of home...which is on demand internet, how do we live without it. Sad eh? I guess in the rest of the world people actually write letters, use the phone, and...wait for it....yes they walk to visit each other, in person! crazy eh. I'm not missing the convienences of home yet, but I am realizing that there is no way to deny my Americanization. I feel as though I blend in, I dress similar, I look like the people here but my mind and thoughts and opinions stem from another place. I guess I'm getting frustrated becuase I feel like i'm in a box at time viewing my surroundings...like I walk down the street and no one sees me. I don't know if it is becuase I don't understand or comprehend the comments and conversations of people I pass or becuase people here just don't acknowledge one another on the street.
Ahhh, learning I know I"m learning I know it will be frustrating but...the one thing that really gets me is the concept of communication in general and how much it is taken for granted. To think that there are concepts and ideas in english that I stuggle to explain doesn't necessarily motivate me when realizing I can hardly converse with a child on the street of Valladolid. I hate the fact that I want to believe I'm somewhat intelligent but can't communicate my ideas or thoughts properly. I know people don't think I'm not intelligent but that feeling is hard to overcome. When I sit and have lunch with my mom at 230 and watch the news together I try so hard to comment on the topics (if I can understand it) and show her that I'm learning but it just doesn't click. That feeling of attempted communication gone wrong is similar to the feeling of broken hearts or misunderstood emotions with some one you care about.....you know the line : "but you just don't understand" or "no no that's not what I meant"
But then again there are those moments of victory and triumph....those moments when you think you're totally confusing them and then you see that look in their eye....that crooked smile of connection....then I get that look on my face of hope....similar to ....hmmm....bowling, yes communication is like bowling. Do we ever bowl 300 when we communicate? probably not....but anyways I get that look of hope like watching the ball slide down the lane (my hands are in the air)...the ball is spinning toward the middle pin, waiting waiting then CRASH, pins fly, they fall and that last one wobbles....and leans....I start physically bending as if to help that pin fall....and it does. ViCtOrY......so that person understands me, they get what I need, we exchange product for coin, I smile and turn around......and go back to the ball return and see the pins get cleaned up and reset....10 pins staring at me again and the process of communication repeats itself....that next person I talk to is waiting for my throw down the lane. Right now, here in Spain. I'm bowling about 80. A few gutter balls a spare or two, but those 2 o 3 strikes felt so good. I have my first test tomorrow in gramatica.....its on past indefinate, indicative, and past perfect....does the fact that I really don't know what that is in english help my situation. HA, we will see
'sta lo
Ahhh, learning I know I"m learning I know it will be frustrating but...the one thing that really gets me is the concept of communication in general and how much it is taken for granted. To think that there are concepts and ideas in english that I stuggle to explain doesn't necessarily motivate me when realizing I can hardly converse with a child on the street of Valladolid. I hate the fact that I want to believe I'm somewhat intelligent but can't communicate my ideas or thoughts properly. I know people don't think I'm not intelligent but that feeling is hard to overcome. When I sit and have lunch with my mom at 230 and watch the news together I try so hard to comment on the topics (if I can understand it) and show her that I'm learning but it just doesn't click. That feeling of attempted communication gone wrong is similar to the feeling of broken hearts or misunderstood emotions with some one you care about.....you know the line : "but you just don't understand" or "no no that's not what I meant"
But then again there are those moments of victory and triumph....those moments when you think you're totally confusing them and then you see that look in their eye....that crooked smile of connection....then I get that look on my face of hope....similar to ....hmmm....bowling, yes communication is like bowling. Do we ever bowl 300 when we communicate? probably not....but anyways I get that look of hope like watching the ball slide down the lane (my hands are in the air)...the ball is spinning toward the middle pin, waiting waiting then CRASH, pins fly, they fall and that last one wobbles....and leans....I start physically bending as if to help that pin fall....and it does. ViCtOrY......so that person understands me, they get what I need, we exchange product for coin, I smile and turn around......and go back to the ball return and see the pins get cleaned up and reset....10 pins staring at me again and the process of communication repeats itself....that next person I talk to is waiting for my throw down the lane. Right now, here in Spain. I'm bowling about 80. A few gutter balls a spare or two, but those 2 o 3 strikes felt so good. I have my first test tomorrow in gramatica.....its on past indefinate, indicative, and past perfect....does the fact that I really don't know what that is in english help my situation. HA, we will see
'sta lo
1 Comments:
haha..bowling...nice analogy joe.
I think you will feel like that the entire time you are there. I felt like I sucked at Spanish the whole time until in May, when the new students arrived and were there listening to me talk about my trip to my host family or to a professor...they're like..."whoa..you're good." haha...I don't think you realize even in the past month how much you actually know. and by the time this trip is over with, I'll be saying.."whoa, joey...you're good at Spanish..." :)
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